About Shazzle

Dreadful Nonsense:
About Shazzle

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Hello there. Cold, isn't it?

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Who the hell are you?
My name is Sharon, I am clinging firmly to the illusion that I am still in my twenties, and I am the owner of the weblog that you got this link from. And if you didn't know that, I'm not sure what you're doing here.

Who is Shazzle then?
That is me, you idiot. I used to blog completely anonymously, and then I got bored of that and started posting photographs of my face. It is an - admittedly completely useless - attempt to stop my twitter account and blog being found by past, present or future employers/clients. It's not working all that well.

What the hell is the site all about then?
Funny you should ask. I have no idea. It started off as something to muck about with at work, and has turned in to something that I muck about with at work, so there's no real content, meaning, direction or point to it. Which is quite a good reflection of my life. [NB - this is a rubbish rip-off of the excellent Rob Newman "pointless fuck" joke.]

Why the title?
It used to be called What did you say? because that was my usual refrain as I don't always hear people when they talk to me, because I get distracted by what they are wearing or something happening just behind them. But I thought that sounded slightly aggressive, so I changed it to the first thing that made me laugh. It was then called Drugs Make Me Cool, which at the time was an ironic reference to the fact that I was always trying to give up smoking, and I am genuinely afraid that most fancy recreational drugs will kill me. For example, penicillin would kill me, and I've never taken cocaine because I think that might kill me too. I do like valium though. The Drugs title brought me a lot of new hits from people trying to "make drugs". So I changed the title again to Dreadful Nonsense because that is how Stephen Fry described his book and if that's good enough for him, it's certainly good enough for me.

What do you do for a living?
I used to have a cool job, where I would go to comedy and music venues every night, and sit in the dark at the back of the room where I would sneer at the performers and then go home and write nasty things that would be published the next day in the newspaper. This was because I enjoyed making snide and flippant comments about things people have often put their very souls into creating. Still, someone has to.

These days, I work with recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. No, I'm not still a journalist. I'm an addictions counsellor.

Where do you live?
Thank you for asking. I left London once the urge to kill others became stronger than the urge to kill myself, and I now live in Lewes, which is near Brighton in the south east of England. It's a very odd place. Odd in a very brilliant way.

I live with my husband D and our dog CJ, a lot of tomato plants, a large collection of Tigger pillows (mine), statues of angels (mine), hundreds of tennis balls (CJ's) and a huge collection of books about war (D's).

What is your favourite colour?
It seems that this Frequently Asked Question style approach is quite a restricting style, since I have already run out of questions to ask myself. If you have any further questions, do tweet/email/yell at me and I'll do my best to respond. But to keep learning about me, why not read my blog every day and then ring me and ask me to elaborate on the stupid points that I made while over-tired the night before?

Thanks.

Posted at 9:30 a.m.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Who are all the people mentioned on your site?
Actually, I don't really mention people by name much, and sometimes when I do, I make up names. Occasionally, things are about me, but I put them in the third person, and sometimes things that happened to other people are passed off as my own experiences. I don't want to have to go around asking other people's permission, and people might stop talking to me if they think that everything they say is going to end up on the internet.

All that said, some people are more than happy to join in here, and some have taken it upon themselves to constantly advise me as to what I should be writing about. I've asked them to profile themselves in the interests of fairness, and those that have participated in this can be found below in inverted commas, with their beautiful names in red. Those who chose not to take me up on my invitation are found at the bottom half of this box, with their ugly names in green.

Dee (or D, or Deej):

"I was christened Deirdre but then that evolved through lax pronunciation standards in the late 1980's to Dee which remained pretty much unchanged until Dee was introduced to Shazzle and her influence was to result in the letter "j" being stuck to the end to produce Deej which remains my name's current status at this time of entry.

Who am I? I am 29, I have browny reddy chestnut hair, I'm not the most organised person in the world and some have even called me scatty. I have a beautiful daughter called Rosie who's brill. My dad and I were only talking with her teacher the other day and she told us that Rosie is doing fabulously well in school, especially at spelling, reading, writing, singing and talking (!). In fact I might get her to add her own little entry about herself as she'd probably put it heaps better. So I am also a proud mother!

Shazzle, Mrs Bishop and I made up the Losers Triad in school. I'm still in first position in the league as I haven't got a university degree to follow the Deej bit of my name like the other two members.

What am I? I'm single and looking for lurve that's what I am!"

Moo:

"The name Moo comes from a lullaby my inventive mother stumbled upon which had the effect of making me fall asleep within five mins flat. It went like "Maire Moo, MaireMoo, Maire Moo, ma ma moo ma moo" and was repeated like a mantra until I fell asleep. It got to the point I used to scream when I heard it... then snooze. My husband (that is still weird) started calling me Moo quite independently, as did his mother, then the Shazzle, Banky and Weeze and now it has stuck.

Also I am from Norn Iron, living in Dublin and I work with lots of wonderful homeless men. I have two fat furry babies (which are otherwise known as Labradors). One is Mr Charles B Bear, aka Charlie Bear, he loves to eat bras, knickers, socks etc and the other is Derry Doglet, who is old and dignified and a lady. I am currently addicted to cigarettes and blogs, and yes I do enjoy an auld eavesdrop on everyone elses life, better than Eastenders anyday. I used to be queen of innuendos but have let that slip a little, instead I share graphic information on all bodily functions as everyone else's reaction amuses me.

Oh yeah, I felt Noel Fieldings' bum at the comedy festival and it was all pert, firm and lovely."

JC:

"JC is a bad ass motherfucker who'll come in your house and wreck it but because he's so cool it'll look even better than it did before and you'll probably win a prize and the value of your house will increase. YEAH! Even if he kicked a baby in it's stary-confused face it would just make it better looking and prettier and it would win a modeling contract and probably the value of your house would increase. YEAH! OOHHH!!! He's so motherfucking cool!!!! And he LOVES Doctor Who cos it's cool and that's cos everything he does is cool. Even plain girls he has kissed have become society darlings and the value of their house has increased. He's got skillz that killz. I love him and so do you."

Dave (aka He Who Only Reads This Blog To See If He's Mentioned):

"Born 31/08/78 aged 52 becoming progressively younger with each passing year. 78-84 Served with distinction behind Iron Curtain with BritishSecret Vetinary Dental Service losing leg in process (not his own). 85-87 Govenor General of Bemuda. 87-Present editor of Bandeja-Inoperante! (Lusaphone Comedic Review). Decorated twice by the Queen and once by Changing Rooms. Keen amateur heterosexual."

Mrs Bishop:
Mrs B is one of my best friends, lives in Dublin and who has a boring office job which she takes too seriously because she wants something called a "career" and something else called a "steady wage" and something else called "opportunities". I am training her in the ways of the comedy world. She is learning quickly, in that she now hates anything and anyone who makes her laugh at any time at all. She is a keen heckler and anti-animal rights activist. In her spare time she kills and eats puppies. When she sees a human baby, she immediately undertakes to make it cry. She had a weblog which she doesn't update any more, because she is a wrongful lazy idiot.

Little Sister Edel and Little Sister Louise:
They are my sisters. They are twins, and are only 18 months younger than me but insist on calling me "old" while claiming, I'll assume, an eternal youth. No, they don't look alike. No, they aren't alike. No, they don't feel the other's pain, and yes, they do live together and are freaks. All twins, it's important to note, are total freaks. They are both active satanists and spend every Sunday burning down churches and setting fire to both priests and nuns while chanting and wearing black hoods. Sometimes they take a break from these activities for casual racism, and can be found most evenings being rude to bus drivers.
Posted at 9:29 p.m.